no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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