is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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