my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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