Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
