Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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