It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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