I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
