6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
