Welp...herpes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
