listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Randomize
