I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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