About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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