so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
