just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
