we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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