I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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