Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
3pm strippers are depressing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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