Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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