I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have post one night stand depression
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