Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
