my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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