I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
