Old men and throwing up are my life now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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