It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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