Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
