Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
smell my finger.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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