How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
