she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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