I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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