In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
