My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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