I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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