i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
