Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
