He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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