I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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