I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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