you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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