tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
