okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I miss vodka workout Fridays
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
