obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
