Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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