im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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