Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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