....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
