im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
