Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
