so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
