I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
