he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
porn star boner night. come get it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
