you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
