WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
