next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
