Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize