you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
