i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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