I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
