I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
