Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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